urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:seltzer_knight -Cause it feels so good- seltzer_knight 2003-12-31T06:42:09Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:seltzer_knight:1019 2003-12-31T06:42:09Z 2003-12-31T06:42:09Z I just started writing a short story... which I'm optimistic about. In the meantime... I figured I'd post this. This is a short story set in a fantasy environment, sort of making fun of more serious fantasy settings and situations. I wrote it about a year ago. It's 9 pages long. Lucky 9. Also, the punctuation got a little screwed up in the transfer. Eh.<br /><br />-------------------<br /><br />„I can't breathe very well. Oh my god. That isn't good, is it?“<br /><br />Yes, in all honesty, that was possibly the last thing Kreiss wanted to hear, especially at the beginning of what was to be a massively difficult and very elaborate undertaking. He sighed slowly, casting a lazy frown at his comrade as he slung a bag full of goods over his shoulder and once more tightened the leather gloves wrapped around his slender hands. „My god, Casske. If you really dislike it so much, don't use it. But it won't be my problem when your legs give out, buddy.“ A quick flick of the leather clad hand caused the apparatus attached to Casske's neck to clatter to the floor. The young, needless to say easily shaken lad, in the typical fashion of a teenager never satisfied, instantly protested.<br /><br />„I didn't tell you to take it off! Hurry, hurry, fix it up again! I don't wanna diiiiiiiie!“<br /><br />The boy's protests were silenced once more as the device shot back up into the air, latching back around the front of his throat. Kreiss smirked slightly, allowing his eyelids to gently close as he attached his own. The small pouch bound to his neck glowed with a faint green hue, the incantation now taking effect. Kreiss had been wise to acquire these items before they left town, knowing well that he wasn't quite up to form as magic strength went, and if he wasn't, Casske certainly wasn't. The boy had said at the outset that he was training in wizardry, but Kreiss failed to see any redeeming skill at such within him. <br /><br />He would've been much more suited to a job that didn't involve work. If there was an apprenticeship out there for pasty young men who wanted to get a job sitting on their asses eating cookies, that Kreiss could see as a good trade for Casske. But wizardry? Even the most frail wizards could lift a knife in self defense. Casske, on the other hand, seemed intent on keeping only a pouch of rocks tied to his belt, which, if danger should arise, he would let fly with reckless and useless abandon. To Kreiss' knowledge, the little punk didn't even have any magic at his disposal. He let out a sad sigh. Wizardry. The wizards were always the famous, revered ones, who got all the chicks. Grunts like him who relied on tact and experience were low in favor. <br /><br />In any case, it was undeniable that this deluded notion of Casske's that he was going to be a great wizard was just a spoiled brat's idyllic vision. The kind of brat who does it for the money, the booze, and the women. True indeed, even at the age of 16, Casske showed more signs of craving good food, good drink, and good sex than the worldly Kreiss did. Then again, that means it's likely that much more of a blow to Casske when he gets none of the above, and Kreiss at least comes away with two out of three.<br /><br />But, Casske was currently magically endowed. The small leather band continued to glow, warding off all magical interference. The small insignia burned the brightest; the logo of the Elquint Magic Supply shop likely caught many an eye. Elquint. Famed discount outlet for name brands at knock-off quality. Only the best for these two. <br /><br />Casske was not adapting well to his half-priced charm, either. He seemed incapable of going ten seconds without trying to casually loosen the magic ward's grip on his throat, while simultaneously glancing at Kreiss to make sure he wasn't watching. He was, in fact, watching. He just didn't want to reveal this and shatter the boy's hopes. He also caught sight of the boy's offhand glance to the tavern door.<br /><br />They had been staying for a few nights in the small town of Dakne, which Kreiss knew to be Casske's home village, knowledge which he exploited by just happening to wander into his parents home and request a place to sleep for a bit. They reluctantly agreed, happy to see Casske, but not overwhelmingly glad to have Master Kreiss along for the ride. Kreiss had the aura about him of the traditional, reliable older guy. His muscles were long, toned and sinewy, his shoulders broad and straight, and his torso lean and chiseled. His body language indicated a complete feel of comfort in his own skin, every move he made having a distinct purpose, and always bringing with it a beauty and grace that seemed to call, „this man is cool, don't you wanna hang out with him?“ His skin was slightly tanned, and his hair was neatly trimmed and combed atop his head, a dark brown marred with a few strands of gray sprouting out in front. <br /><br />These features were in stark contrast to those common in Casske's household. The father, a man far older than Kreiss, had a very heavy handed, slow style of motion. He was quite boisterous, and had a habit of quaffing a bit too much ale. The mother, on the other hand, seemed possessed by zeal, her eyes always wide open and alert, her body straight and rigid, and her vengeful tongue quick to disagree with anything anybody said that was even remotely debatable. Despite this, however, Kriess could not deny she was a devastatingly attractive woman, and he felt slightly guilty that he'd one a few occasions let his eyes linger on her longer than was proper. <br /><br />Casske, by god's mercy, didn't inherit his father's physical gravity. If there was one thing you could say for Casske, it was that he was not at all definitive in his manners. He was absentminded, shy, overly sensitive, and clumsy, to boot. And yet, he had a certain degree of pride which seemed to fuel him to keep pace with Kreiss whenever possible. It was a mixed blessing. His mother's lithe frame and sharp tongue were very apparent in him, though to a lesser extent. He was indeed capable of spraying forth seething hate, but never to people he had the slightest degree of respect for. Most often, it was directed at strangers who'd pissed him off one way or another... stepping on his toe, or making a remark about wussy wizards, or something like that.<br /><br />In any case, the boy's gleaming eyes were focused on a girl leaving the tavern. She was gifted with deep brown hair and gray eyes, a stunning figure accent by a ravishing violet dress, and a very warm smile. Kreiss hated warm smiles. And he could tell just by Casske's intent stare that he's probably imagining doing things that'd make a sailor blush. Of course, Kreiss was a better man than any pansy sailor. He strolled over and stood next to his young friend, whistling casually and smirking.<br /><br />„Hey, she sure is a hot little number. Your girlfriend, I'll bet?“<br /><br />Casske felt a hot sensation flowing up through his cheeks. He tried not to let his eyes catch Kreiss' accusing smirk, and shrugged, offering a feeble, „I just thought I recognized her, I wanted to get a closer look,“ in response. Kreiss wasn't satisfied.<br /><br />„Sure, I believe you completely... You just had to stare at her ass to make sure it was the same girl? I'm not accusing you or anything, I mean, knock yourself out...“ He grinned more broadly now, patting Casske on the back. „I'm going to buy a bit of extra food before we head out. If you think you can seduce her within 30 minutes with that awkward charm of yours, feel free... Just make sure you're at the front gate by ten.“<br /><br />As per usual in their relationship, the elder was going to do the work while the younger tried to get laid.<br /><br />***<br /><br />The half-hour went by quickly, and Kreiss was not surprised to find Casske walking with a slight limp to the right. He raised his eyebrow slightly, and the expression Casske returned was a clear indication that his charm and allure had not worked their wonders on the tavern girl. Kreiss shrugged slightly. „She didn't look like your type, anyway, buddy... let's get moving. Lakgen waits for no man... And he's significantly more aggressive than time.“<br /><br />„He's the one who beat the crap out of you a couple years back, right? My mom told me about it.“<br /><br />„Your mother's reports are greatly exaggerated. He pushed me through a window. There was no honorable victory to it.“ <br /><br />Casske couldn't help but chortle, at the very thought of Kreiss ever being concerned with honor, unless, or course, it suited him. Casske knew Kreiss' philosophy well enough. Never be afraid to exploit weakness, take hostages if necessary, and, most importantly, it's easier to kick a man when he's down than it is when he's up.<br /><br />„Besides,“ Kreiss continued, „it's highly unlikely he's quite as keen to cut me to ribbons anymore, seeing how he could right now if he wanted.“<br /><br />„He has a magical reach that far?“<br /><br />„Sure he does. That girl you were wooing could've been him, for all we know.“ She certainly had the knee momentum and the deadly accuracy of an evil denizen, Casske thought to himself.<br /><br />„Um, well... Touche'. Why'd he try to kill you in the first place?“<br /><br />„A bunch of reasons. I tried to steal his sister's Imitate spell.“<br /><br />„Imitate? That's not really enough to get that worked up about.“<br /><br />„Yeah, well, I did some other stuff too... Stuff better left unsaid.“<br /><br />Kreiss found himself preoccupied with his bantering conversation with Casske as they rapidly left behind the cozy town and took to the dusty path before them. They spoke of many things as they went. Most of the time, Casske would innocently inquire about some aspect of Kreiss' life, some story that he'd heard dozens of times but wanted to hear again, and would pretend that he'd forgotten it. Periodically, to get back at him, Kreiss would crack jokes about Casske's near perfection of the coveted Rock Toss spell. They made a great team.<br /><br />***<br /><br />„I'm tired,“ stated Casske.<br /><br />Kreiss looked over his shoulder at the boy with a disgusted expression, glancing upwards at the sky. „The sun only set an hour ago. It's barely eight o' clock!“<br /><br />„I'm still tired. I woke up early this morning, and that girl's attack injured my... Ability to walk.“ <br /><br />Kreiss sighed slowly. „What do you want me to do, Casske, huh? Carry your lazy ass? I'm flattered you think I'm that mighty, but I'm 38... I'm a little old to be carrying you around on my brittle, old man back.“<br /><br />Casske narrowed his gaze. Kreiss didn't bow to age. While he hadn't desired to be carried, realistically, Kreiss' excuse was irritating. „Since when have you been too old to do things? 38 is too old to carry somebody, but young enough to hit on 20 year olds?“ <br /><br />Kreiss nodded curtly in response, a thoughtful look on his face. Casske groaned and dug through his pockets. „I wasn't asking you to haul me around, anyhow. I want to stop at the nearest hotel. There's a town about half a mile ahead, I can see the lights over the ridge.“ He continued to sift through his pockets before grimly pulling them inside out, revealing nothing. „Um, ah, you'll pick up the room bill, right, sir?“<br /><br />Kreiss chuckled darkly. „I'm afraid I haven't one red cent, Casske.“<br /><br />„WHAT!?“<br /><br />„I spent the last of our money on bug repellent.“<br /><br />Casske reeled, his body instantly feeling ten times heavier with the knowledge he'd have to carry himself around without sleep... All the way to Lakgen's and back? That's another day just to get there! „Are you crazy!? With all due respect.“<br /><br />The older man shrugged, cracking his neck casually. „I'll get us a room, cool off, junior. I have a bank account in Garimba, the town up ahead. We'll be fine.“ Casske sighed with relief.<br /><br />***<br /><br />Casske stood on the street corner, staring up into the beautiful, star-speckled sky, trying to imagine he was in bed, under nice, warm covers... So nice... Kreiss was taking his sweet time at this bank of his. He glanced down the nearby alleyway, which reeked of urine and bore a door under a sign marked „First Financial Associates.“ He had to admit, Kreiss' „bank“ looked a little suspicious.<br /><br />Casske, being the curious type, was having to force against his instincts to stroll down the alley and sneak through the door to see what Kreiss was up to. He felt he was about to lose his composure and give in when he heard a shattering sound, and heard footsteps echoing from past the threshold. The door flung open, and a tall, heavy sillhouette stumbled out. Casske walked over.<br /><br />„About time. I'm freezing my ass off.“<br /><br />The figure's arm shot out and grabbed Casske by the collar, roughly throwing him against the filthy alley wall, and punching him across the face. Casske hissed in pain and shock, and squinted at the man. He'd naturally assumed it was his comrade, emerging, money in hand. But, no. Sadly, it seemed to be a drug addled bodybuilder. His beady eyes flamed with rage as he lifted Casske again and once again threw him against the wall. The frail lad withered to the ground, sprawled out and prone, his back twisted and screwed up something marvelous.<br /><br />In a moment of intense luck, or maybe divine intervention, the hulking man spat on Casske and stumbled out into the street, passing up the opportunity to crush his skull. Casske struggled to his feet, limping slowly to the door left ajar. He staggered in, one arm wrapped around his left side ribcage, the other propped against the wall for support.<br /><br />What he found was enough to surprise and alert him, even with the physical trauma and shock he'd sustained. <br /><br />The interior was rather dank and modestly furnished, a couple chairs, a couch or two, some vibrantly colored lamps, and lots of women in various states of undress. Casske began to feel sick as one of the weary eyed prostitutes waved him over, clearly taking his stumbling as the action of a drunk. He did indeed walk over, but he kept walking past the bevy of scantily clad women, and shouted, rather foolishly, „KREISS!“ He scowled, yelling again, „YOU...“<br /><br />„SON OF A BITCH!“<br /><br />„Huh?“ Casske looked in the direction of what appeared to be a backroom, where the shout had come from, finishing his own sentence quite conveniently. The door burst open as Kreiss threw his weight against it. His eyes locked on Casske, and he grabbed him by the shoulder, practically dragging and flinging him back out into the alley, following and slamming the door shut. <br /><br />„Move it, kid! I got the money, but I couldn't pay the... Processing fees.“<br /><br />Casske, having spent most of the past minute or so airborne or smashing his lean frame into hard objects,wasn't sharp enough to pick up on Kreiss' code talk. „Huh?“ He squinted as he saw the door open again behind them and several bandana clad, vagabondish types stormed out after them. „...ohhhhh...“<br /><br />As it would turn out, Casske and Kriess would have a good extra two hours of running before they'd get any sleep.<br /><br />***<br /><br />Kriess' arms strained under the weight of a 200 pound wooden beam, the top of which had fallen from the roof of the flimsy hotel, and was now leaning towards the ground. People screamed and scattered and ran for cover, some fearing they'd be crushed next, some not wanting to see the gory scene that would likely occur when the weight caused the man to burst apart like a sack of swelling rice. Despite the chaos, though, neither of these outcomes occurred. Casske ran over and helped his master, trying to push the leaning beam back into place. Casske's strength, while trifling, proved to be enough to sway the tides in this event, as Kreiss let out a painful groan and pushed upwards with all his strength. The beam wedged back between the floor and the roof, before sliding out the opposite direction and knocking over an entire wall. Kreiss stared blankly. Casske laughed hysterically.<br /><br />„That was great! That's karma for you. That'll teach that bastard clerk to tell us he doesn't serve drifters.“ The effusive lad grabbed a glass of wine from a nearby, now completely vacated table and downed it quickly.<br /><br />He had every reason to be pleased, all things considered. Being turned down from five hotels in a row (due to lack of vacancy), walking until four in the morning, and ending up in a practically deserted place that doesn't like your attitude can be mighty irritating.<br /><br />Despite this, Kreiss suddenly felt he had an overwhelming moral obligation to inform Casske that is was wrong to be so cruel, but he didn't care enough to. He had to admit... It was pretty funny. Everybody had fled the building. That night, they slept for free.<br /><br />***<br /><br />Kreiss woke up with very sore arms the next morning, and Casske found that the swelling pain in his groin had only gotten worse with time. Honestly, he didn't think he'd been particularly suggestive or even mildly indecent when he'd approached the girl. He just told her that he though she was the most beautiful creature ever to have lived. He guessed the art of overblown flattery was dead. Another surge of pain from his bruised area reinforced this guess.<br /><br />„Ah, Kreiss,“ Casske ventured carefully, „do you no any healing spells for swelling or bruising?“<br /><br />Kreiss shot back a disdainful look. „You're the wiz in training, you handle it. I'll be damned if I'm wasting my healing spells on you and your skinny ass.“<br /><br />„I love you, man.“<br /><br />„I love you too.“<br /><br />With the sarcasm in the room reaching a dangerous level, Kreiss decided, despite his first judgement, that it would be a good time to heal both himself and the lad. After all, today was the big day, the day they'd been training for. The day they would overthrow Lakgen and seize control of his sspell books as well as that alluring reward on his head. <br /><br />Casske knew little of Lakgen, overall. He knew he was pure evil, and had to be stamped out in the name of virtue and freedom. At least that's what Kreiss had said. He also knew he had a sister. If Kreiss really liked a girl, he'd rave about her. If he didn't, he wouldn't mention her. He'd gone in between this time, noting that Lakgen had a sister, but not going any farther in his description. That was peculiar.<br /><br />Mind you, training may have been an overstatement. Kreiss, being the man he was, rarely trained for anything, he just did it. And Casske was too preoccupied with writing depressing poetry and daydreaming about being a great wizard to actually work to become one. So, all in all, their odds were pretty slim. But don't tell them that.<br /><br />***<br /><br />Kreiss and Casske stormed into the forest dwelling of Lakgen, a small, stone cottage. The inside was lined with bookshelves, the titles telling of , no doubt, the occult and powerful magics. In an instant, these shelves were being overturned, the two adventurers hurling themselves against them with jarring force, knocking the precious tomes from their resting places.<br /><br />Lakgen watched them from his comfy chair with disinterest.<br /><br />Kreiss grinned evilly, walking towards his former friend and clenching his fist.<br /><br />„Heh, get ready for payback, pal.“<br /><br />Kreiss reached out, taking hold of the man and hurling him through the large window behind his chair. Glass shattered in an explosion of piercing noise, a few shards of it falling back onto Kreiss' tanned, tightly drawn skin. A broader smirk appeared as he gingerly leapt out the window, staring intently at the man's body. He was still breathing, but a pool of blood was rapidly forming, flowing from a gash on his forehead. Kreiss could hear voices in the distance, beyond his consciousness, a scream. That little wimp Casske. He may've talked big back home, but he didn't have the guts for this job. You have to be cold, tactical, and be ready to crack some skulls. That kid probably fainted at the sight of blood. And he screams little a girl.<br /><br />Kreiss reached out and lifted the bleeding man by the collar, who's face was now twisted in a fearful wince. <br /><br />„Goddangit I dun told that girl o' mine back 'eyre that you and them rangers were looking right funny at me when I was a-choppin' that tree, god durn it, I dun told 'er, you goddamn rangers...“<br /><br />Kriess dropped the man back onto the ground, for the first time actually looking at his face. His eyes grew wide with fear; not fear of any powers the man may have, but fear that he'd be caught. Caught with a harmless old man bleeding to death that he just threw through a window. „You... Is this the wrong...“ Kreiss gasped, „...you're not...“ Before he could finish, he felt his head split open as a cast-iron pot was brought down upon it. He fell to his knees, twisting around to see his assailant. <br /><br />„Son of a bitch.“<br /><br />He blacked out.<br /><br />***<br /><br />Casske smiled and gently squeezed Erika's hand, under the table, tilting his head to gaze into her marvelous gray eyes. She return the squeeze, gazing lovingly into the eyes of the young „wizard.“ Her lavish violet dress clung to her delicate frame, making her all that much more beautiful. Casske's parents were delighted.<br /><br />„This is wonderful,“ remarked Ms. Klassa, as she took a delicate sip of a dark red wine. „As I've always said, it's been far too long since you've had a nice, stable lady friend, sweetie.“ Casske's face flushed and he shot a menacing glare at his mother. He cringed slightly as his father joined in. <br /><br />„I agree with your mother, son. This' one fine girl you've found yourself.“ His tone instantly went from proud and celebratory to low and solemn. „And, may I say, Erika, how sorry I am to hear about your grandfather. It's simply deplorable what some people will do nowadays.„<br /><br />Erika bit her lower lip slightly, the traumatic experience still causing her to shiver at its mention. She placed her hand on Casske's knee for a sense of security before speaking (which needless to say, Casske did not resist). „Yes, it was very... very frightening. But the doctor said he'll be just fine when the gash closes up. I'm just so... Oh... Thank god for Casske. If it wasn't for him... Even after I was so rude to him, he still heard the noises and ran in to help. He's so incredible.„ <br /><br />Casske couldn't help but grin. <br /><br />Mrs. Klassa scooted her chair away from the table, and hurried over to the door at the sound of the bell. „Oh, now, who might that be, interrupting dinner. Shameful, I say.“ She opened the door gracefully, not even bothering to look at the person on her doorstep. „You're very rudely interrupting us, sir.“<br /><br />The man forced his way in, and Ms. Klassa yelped like a banshee. „Thief! Scoundrel! Degenerate! Leave this house!“<br /><br />Mr. Klassa stood up with a protective air as the man entered. His son, the night's hero, however, did not. He just went pale as a sheet.<br /><br />You little brat,“ Kreiss hissed. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:seltzer_knight:514 2003-12-28T06:28:15Z 2003-12-28T06:28:15Z *takes, a long swig of sweet, sweet seltzer water, followed by a slow, emphatic...*<br /><br />Daaaaamn.<br /><br />Anyhow, I've decided on a truly practical use for this journal. I'm gonna use it to post writings I've been working on. Scripts and stories and such.<br /><br />I'm afraid I haven't much to put up here just yet. I'm working on a bunch of stuff, and a lot of it is on my laptop. I might post later tonight, though. And I'm not so arrogant as to think everyone is dying to read my writing, so I hope nobody takes it that way.<br /><br />By the by Chrissie, I think I mentioned it in an earlier post, but would you like to come to Laura's new year's party? I'm collecting names for her. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:seltzer_knight:357 2003-12-17T05:33:31Z 2003-12-17T05:33:31Z I suppose I should explain myself. I am Ryogoth, champion of worlds! I have journeyed long and far in order to secure this planet's supplies of seltzer water. You mortal foold know not the power contained within this fizzy beverage! When I gain control of it, the very world wil be mine! MINE!